Kathy Griffin releases new plan to become more famous. Plans to harass and ridicule a 16 year old girl. Shark checks in and tells Griffin her jump came a LOOONG time ago. Researchers still seeking for clues to the last funny thing Griffin said or did.

http://www.popeater.com/2011/01/05/kathy-griffin-slams-willow-palin/?icid=maing|main5|dl2|sec1_lnk3|34632

Corrections officer paraphrases quote from Bible to voice prayer for the removal of Barack Obama as President. Jail suddenly fills with snakes, rats and boiling water. Message burned into side of jail: "I don't work like that. The next one will cost you". OBVIOUS: "Made in Florida" tag in big letters.

http://www.wtsp.com/news/topstories/story.aspx?storyid=166176&catid=250

Metro operators in DC discover unique method of keeping the tracks sparkling clean. When questioned, several operators claim they learned how to do it by watching how Congress, the House and The White House deal with the American public. Several consider run for elective office claiming this counts as prior experience.

http://wtop.com/?nid=25&sid=2220860

Keith Olbermann labels FOX News "100% bullshit". FOX News programming whips Olbermann in the ratings every night. Olbermann forgets being busted numerous times on his own facts. Pot, meet kettle.

http://www.mediaite.com/online/keith-olbermann-fox-news-is-100-bullsht/

Man robs bank. Wearing Hillary Clinton mask. Once arrested charges will include failure to wear out of date pants suit. Witnesses say man was African-American, salt and pepper hair, thin build and mumbled something to the effect of "disagree with me, will you?"

http://www.politico.com/click/stories/1012/hillary_clintonmasked_man_robs_bank.html

Reporter nails Nancy Pelosi with straight forward question about cost of health care in Obama bill. Pelosi fires back with question and refuses to answer. Spokesperson later says it wasn't "a serious question". Officer Bar Brady hired to oversee gagging of reporters at next press conference by constantly shouting "Move along people nothing to see here". Toto cringes in fear.

http://cnsnews.com/news/article/flashback-when-asked-where-constitution

President of FIFA looks forward to uniting the planet at the World Cup in Qatar 2022. Everyone except gays. Conveniently forgets while accepting bribe cash from Qatar to rig the final vote about their Draconian laws. Elton John demands ticket refund. Global Hookers Union files lawsuit. Cast of every "Bravo" network show goes into mourning.

http://offthebench.nbcsports.com/2010/12/13/fifa-president-homosexuals-should-refrain-from-sexual-activities-at-2022-world-cup/

Chris Matthews compares Bill Clinton to God after appearance at the White House. EMT's arrive after show. Repair damage to Matthews' brain following tingle going up his leg. God leaves message for Matthews. Asks if Clinton can turn water into wine.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2010/12/10/matthews_obama_clinton_an_alliance_between_god_and_the_democratic_party.html

Bristol Palin's success on "Dancing With the Stars" leads to massive number of complaints to FCC. FCC responds, runs out of saliva tests for complainants. Nancy Pelosi secretly signs up at Arthur Murray. Al Sharpton blames it on the boogie.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/celebrity/palin-success-triggered-fcc-complaints

Federal Government announces list detailing millions of jobs created by the stimulus. Jobs guaranteed to get the economy going again full-bore. Workers celebrate. Bills being paid. Housing sales about to skyro.....huh......you serious?....really? OK, never mind. Move along, people. Nothing to see here.

http://hotair.com/archives/2010/12/06/new-fed-study-suggests-net-job-creation-from-porkulus-was-zero/

Hugo Chavez blames America for heavy rains in Venezuela. Mother Nature delivers bolts of lightning into Palace plumbing system while Chavez relieving himself as reminder of who is really in charge. Citgo gas stations mysteriously disappear into massive sinkholes. Crowds gather in Boston seeking to replace Fenway "Citgo" sign with one giving middle finger to Yankees fans.

http://uk.reuters.com/article/idUKN0517626320101205

Christine O'Donnell baits the drive-by media perfectly. Networks drop trouser and take the bait. O'Donnell jumps on broom and heard laughing while flying into the night. Liberal media all turn into newts.

http://blogs.abcnews.com/george/2010/11/christine-odonnell-i-would-vote-for-hillary-clinton.html

Animal rights group blasts Sarah Palin for clubbing a dead fish. Palin offers to visit group offices for personal demonstration. In other news, Nancy Pelosi receives anonymous gift of halibut scented perfume.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1332543/Sarah-Palin-blasted-animal-rights-group-clubbing-fish-death-TV.html