Man finds reason for headaches. Has knife removed from skull after 4 years. Seeing reasons for hope of a cure, medical team immediately dispatched to homes of Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110218/ap_on_re_as/as_china_knife_in_head

Metro operators in DC discover unique method of keeping the tracks sparkling clean. When questioned, several operators claim they learned how to do it by watching how Congress, the House and The White House deal with the American public. Several consider run for elective office claiming this counts as prior experience.

http://wtop.com/?nid=25&sid=2220860

President Obama signs tax bill into law. Nancy Pelosi refuses to attend ceremony. Last seen having diapers changed in back of Harry Reid's limo. Mongrammed Huggies charged to her expense account. Keith Olbermann seen waiting in line at changing station.

http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/dc/2010/12/dems-one-big-happy-family----a.html

Associated Press reports Sarah Palin had hairdresser with her on Haiti trip. TV networks run with story, blast and ridicule her. Information all wrong. "Hairdresser" was her daughter. No retraction or apology. Rabid polar bears start showing up at AP bureau locations. One way tickets to Nome appearing in office mailboxes.

http://www.adn.com/2010/12/13/1601745/palin-headlines.html

Chris Matthews compares Bill Clinton to God after appearance at the White House. EMT's arrive after show. Repair damage to Matthews' brain following tingle going up his leg. God leaves message for Matthews. Asks if Clinton can turn water into wine.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2010/12/10/matthews_obama_clinton_an_alliance_between_god_and_the_democratic_party.html

Bristol Palin's success on "Dancing With the Stars" leads to massive number of complaints to FCC. FCC responds, runs out of saliva tests for complainants. Nancy Pelosi secretly signs up at Arthur Murray. Al Sharpton blames it on the boogie.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/celebrity/palin-success-triggered-fcc-complaints