Man finds reason for headaches. Has knife removed from skull after 4 years. Seeing reasons for hope of a cure, medical team immediately dispatched to homes of Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110218/ap_on_re_as/as_china_knife_in_head

Corrections officer paraphrases quote from Bible to voice prayer for the removal of Barack Obama as President. Jail suddenly fills with snakes, rats and boiling water. Message burned into side of jail: "I don't work like that. The next one will cost you". OBVIOUS: "Made in Florida" tag in big letters.

http://www.wtsp.com/news/topstories/story.aspx?storyid=166176&catid=250

Metro operators in DC discover unique method of keeping the tracks sparkling clean. When questioned, several operators claim they learned how to do it by watching how Congress, the House and The White House deal with the American public. Several consider run for elective office claiming this counts as prior experience.

http://wtop.com/?nid=25&sid=2220860

Keith Olbermann labels FOX News "100% bullshit". FOX News programming whips Olbermann in the ratings every night. Olbermann forgets being busted numerous times on his own facts. Pot, meet kettle.

http://www.mediaite.com/online/keith-olbermann-fox-news-is-100-bullsht/

Wikileaks founder signs million dollar deal to write book. With each purchase, buyers will receive a large red "ASSHAT" stamped into their foreheads. Still no guarantee he will ever have sex with non-inflatable woman.

http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/2010/1228/Julian-Assange-to-keep-WikiLeaks-afloat-with-money-from-book-deal

Man robs bank. Wearing Hillary Clinton mask. Once arrested charges will include failure to wear out of date pants suit. Witnesses say man was African-American, salt and pepper hair, thin build and mumbled something to the effect of "disagree with me, will you?"

http://www.politico.com/click/stories/1012/hillary_clintonmasked_man_robs_bank.html

President Obama signs tax bill into law. Nancy Pelosi refuses to attend ceremony. Last seen having diapers changed in back of Harry Reid's limo. Mongrammed Huggies charged to her expense account. Keith Olbermann seen waiting in line at changing station.

http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/dc/2010/12/dems-one-big-happy-family----a.html

Reporter nails Nancy Pelosi with straight forward question about cost of health care in Obama bill. Pelosi fires back with question and refuses to answer. Spokesperson later says it wasn't "a serious question". Officer Bar Brady hired to oversee gagging of reporters at next press conference by constantly shouting "Move along people nothing to see here". Toto cringes in fear.

http://cnsnews.com/news/article/flashback-when-asked-where-constitution

Chris Matthews compares Bill Clinton to God after appearance at the White House. EMT's arrive after show. Repair damage to Matthews' brain following tingle going up his leg. God leaves message for Matthews. Asks if Clinton can turn water into wine.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2010/12/10/matthews_obama_clinton_an_alliance_between_god_and_the_democratic_party.html

Federal Government announces list detailing millions of jobs created by the stimulus. Jobs guaranteed to get the economy going again full-bore. Workers celebrate. Bills being paid. Housing sales about to skyro.....huh......you serious?....really? OK, never mind. Move along, people. Nothing to see here.

http://hotair.com/archives/2010/12/06/new-fed-study-suggests-net-job-creation-from-porkulus-was-zero/

Christine O'Donnell baits the drive-by media perfectly. Networks drop trouser and take the bait. O'Donnell jumps on broom and heard laughing while flying into the night. Liberal media all turn into newts.

http://blogs.abcnews.com/george/2010/11/christine-odonnell-i-would-vote-for-hillary-clinton.html