Michael Lohan rushed to hospital with chest pains. Doctors treat chest, note duals pains in his ass cannot be removed without stronger measures.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1352370/Lindsay-Lohans-father-Michael-rushed-hospital-chest-pains.html

Man angry with airport search. Strips down to his underwear in protest. Fellow passengers said it was "no big thing". Inmates at local jail prepare for his arrival.

http://www2.timesdispatch.com/news/news/2010/dec/31/TDMET04-charlottesville-man-protests-airport-secur-ar-744888/

Wikileaks founder signs million dollar deal to write book. With each purchase, buyers will receive a large red "ASSHAT" stamped into their foreheads. Still no guarantee he will ever have sex with non-inflatable woman.

http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/2010/1228/Julian-Assange-to-keep-WikiLeaks-afloat-with-money-from-book-deal

Woman busted for carrying drugs. Swears to cops the drugs are not hers. Swears she has no idea how they got on her person. BONUS: Drugs fond in her crotch. DOUBLE BONUS: Smiling mugshot. TRIPLE OVER EDGE BONUS: "Made in Florida" tag completes rare trifecta.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/honest-officer-those-drugs-hidden-my-crotch-are-not-mine

Lindsay Lohan reveals why she didn't get starring role in Linda Lovelace biopic. Didn't want to portray drug addict. Lack of any discernable talent expunged from press release. Kettle and pot seek medical attention for unstoppable laughter.

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/12/exclusive-interview-lindsay-lohan-didnt-want-play-a-drug-addict-says-mom

Portland Oregon Christmas treee bomber claims he was "set up" by Government. FBI has him on tape plotting the entire thing. Asking others for help. Calling for jihad on US. Unintended comedy needle goes RIGHT off the scale. Patriots in prison start creating special place for new bunkmate.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20101130/D9JQCMNG5.html

http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/christmas-tree-bomber-mohamud-touch-al-qaeda-mouthpiece/story?id=12270610