Princess Leia confirms the obvious. Nerd boys everywhere draw into fetal position after viewing comparison photos. Jabba the Hut sends coupons for "All You Can Eat" fast food joints on Tatooine.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1346488/Carrie-Fisher-admits-Im-fat-signs-Jenny-Craigs-new-spokesperson.html

American moviegoers cast vote for best movie of 2010. Select candidate for least funny film ever in "Grown Ups". Hollywood execs rush plans for series of movies based on life and comedic stylings of Khloe Kardashian. Sound heard is American IQ slipping even further into the abyss.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2011/01/grown-ups-wins-best-picture-at-peoples-choice-awards

Lindsay Lohan reveals why she didn't get starring role in Linda Lovelace biopic. Didn't want to portray drug addict. Lack of any discernable talent expunged from press release. Kettle and pot seek medical attention for unstoppable laughter.

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/12/exclusive-interview-lindsay-lohan-didnt-want-play-a-drug-addict-says-mom

FAA admits to losing track of a few aircraft. "Few" defined here as around 120,000. Senate receives bill to have all planes tracked by having long string attached to wings with cowbells on end. Christopher Walken approves. Ted Stryker cleared of any wrongdoing. Ethel Merman approves.

http://www.cnbc.com/id/40599471

Pilot drives his plane into a sudden and harrowing dive. Admits he was moving his seat and hit the control column. Ghost of Leslie Nielsen seen while plane plunging to it's doom saying "And don't call me Shirley". Kareem Abdul-Jabbar denies being in the pilot seat.

George Lucas mourns the passing of Irvin Kershner, director of "The Empire Strikes Back". Funeral to be available both in standard 2-D and 3-d with deleted scenes from embalming.

http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/687458/george_lucas_pays_tribute_to_irvin_kershner.html

Angelina Jolie refused to celebrate Thanksgiving. Claims holiday is designed to celebrate the slaughter of the indigenous North American population. "Shut up and just act" tag applies.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1333690/Angelina-Jolie-cancels-Thanksgiving-6-children.html

Warner Bros. proves they think of everything when it comes to "Harry Potter". Trademarks include hats, shirts, cups, shoes, lingerie, bobbleheads, toys, soft drin.......wait....what was that after "shoes"? Explosions heard coming from geekboy basements everywhere.

http://www.startribune.com/entertainment/popcrush/110830464.html?elr=KArksD:aDyaEP:kD:aUt:aDyaEP:kD:aUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aU6:iPhD_oD3aPc:i_kchO7DU