Michael Lohan rushed to hospital with chest pains. Doctors treat chest, note duals pains in his ass cannot be removed without stronger measures.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1352370/Lindsay-Lohans-father-Michael-rushed-hospital-chest-pains.html

Lindsay Lohan reveals why she didn't get starring role in Linda Lovelace biopic. Didn't want to portray drug addict. Lack of any discernable talent expunged from press release. Kettle and pot seek medical attention for unstoppable laughter.

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/12/exclusive-interview-lindsay-lohan-didnt-want-play-a-drug-addict-says-mom