Parent allows daughter to get makeover from Snooki. An 11 year old daughter. Child abuse charges pending. All IQ tests for both Mom and daughter cancelled. "Moron" tattooed on Mom's forehead.

http://www.610wiod.com/cc-common/news/sections/entertainmentarticle.html?feed=104665&article=8041720

Excerpts released from new book "written" by Snooki. Entire NJ educational system explodes. Officials seek law to have readers under the age of 30 immediately sterilized. Scientists link release of book to dead birds dropping from skies. Tony Soprano issues contract.

http://www.celebitchy.com/133618/more_excerpts_from_snookis_mind_numbing_new_book/

Sign of the Apocalypse: Book "authored" by Snooki comes out today. Technicians standby to administer electroshock therapy to all buyers. Investigators discover book was entirely done by ghost writers save for the words "like", "you know", and fuhgedaboutit". NJ Senator calls for book to be required reaading in schools thus raising IQ of future NJ generations.

http://www.mediabistro.com/ebooknewser/snookis-novel-comes-out-tomorrow_b4720

Probe finds evidence of life on Saturn moon. Still waiting for similar results on cast of "Jersey Shore", US House of Representatives and Brett Farve.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40690979