Excerpts released from new book "written" by Snooki. Entire NJ educational system explodes. Officials seek law to have readers under the age of 30 immediately sterilized. Scientists link release of book to dead birds dropping from skies. Tony Soprano issues contract.

http://www.celebitchy.com/133618/more_excerpts_from_snookis_mind_numbing_new_book/

Sign of the Apocalypse: Book "authored" by Snooki comes out today. Technicians standby to administer electroshock therapy to all buyers. Investigators discover book was entirely done by ghost writers save for the words "like", "you know", and fuhgedaboutit". NJ Senator calls for book to be required reaading in schools thus raising IQ of future NJ generations.

http://www.mediabistro.com/ebooknewser/snookis-novel-comes-out-tomorrow_b4720

Camden NJ slashing police jobs. City recently named 2nd most dangerous city in America. Chuck Norris offers to assume PD leadership for 1 day. Concrete wall to be erected around city with entire cast of "Jersey Shore" assigned permanent relocation.

http://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2010/12/02/camden-city-council-approves-massive-police-and-fire-layoffs/