Women want bugger butts. Willing to take pills used to fatten up animals. American convention of successful transplants being planned for local Wal-Marts. "Moronically stupid and should not being allowed to procreate" tag applies.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3407557/Many-British-women-so-desperate-for-bigger-bum-they-take-chicken-fattening-pills.html

Simon Cowell admits he's a jackwagon to cash in on TV ratings. Researchers still fail to find reason why people with IQ over 9 consider anything Cowell does "entertainment". In related news, Cowell set to make public appearances. Promises to spit on each and every person who attends.

http://www.nowmagazine.co.uk/celebrity-news/509785/simon-cowell-i-don-t-want-to-pretend-we-re-nice-people-because-we-re-not/1/

Kim Kardashian cashes in bigger than any other reality "star". In other news, researchers announce American TV viewing IQ now averages 9. Kardashian to invest in new helium breasts, plans to audition for Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade 2011.

http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2010/12/07/kim_kardashian_is_the_highest_paid_rea

Kim Kardashian finally finds perfect spokesmodel role. Opens toilet facility in Manhattan. Also promotes the new "KK Toilet Seat", designed to avoid accidents while seated. "Media Whore" and "Will Show Up Anywhere for Cash & Photo Ops" meters break.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1332531/Kim-Kardashian-plumbs-new-depths-opens-toilet-facility-Times-Square.html