Beauty contest begins in Abu Dhabi. Muslim religious extremists NOT frothing at the mouth. Contestants are camels. Insert your own joke here about extremists who treat women like cattle enjoying beuaty pageant with camels. Sarah Jessica Parker sends regards.

http://www.emirates247.com/news/emirates/camel-pageantry-starts-in-abu-dhabi-2010-12-17-1.330593

Kathleen Parker already sick and tired of CNN Co-host Elliot Spitzer. Threatens walkout. CNN panics as all 18 viewers promise to protest. Spitzer seeks to smooth things over. Buys Parker sexy negligee from "Frederick's" and promises discreet conversation.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/park_row_on_cnn_set_gJfdMPIa0UIoFEi51ZYLGN

Academy Awards to be hosted in 2011 by two of the most inconsequential actors in Hollywood. Oscars want to attract younger demographic. No-Doze to be handed out to studio audience. Amphetamines available by the case for home audience. Ghost of Johnny Carson laughing his ass off.

http://www.deadline.com/2010/11/james-franco-and-anne-hathaway-to-host-oscar/